It may seem as though I’ve dropped off the face of the earth as far as my online presence is concerned. For that, I do apologize, but so much has changed for me in the last few months that it is hard for me to keep up with everything. I do keep an active presence on my Veggie Beauty facebook page, so if you want to keep up with my day to day activities and my life that is the best way to keep in contact. 

For many of you long time subscribers, you are aware that my husband lost his job last July. We thought it was only a temporary setback, but it took him over eight months before he was able to find a reliable job. He had several interviews, but that only added to the frustration somedays. It would build up my hope for our future, only to dash it back down after a few weeks went by and no job offer. He has, thankfully, found a job he loves in his field as of April, so that is a huge relief in our household. I am now able to breathe and allow myself to feel something other than panic and desperation. 

I already had anxiety issues, depression, and self-doubt before all of this happened, but it definitely intensified the effects by 10x. It all I could do to motivate myself to make new collections for Pumpkin and Poppy Cosmetics and be the sole income in our family, let alone work on my own personal and non-financial pursuits. My studio became a dreaded place for me because I felt guilty when I wasn’t working on a new project so that we could pay our rent. It became a very toxic environment for me, and that made me sad because I had always loved my job before all of this happened. 

In the last several months, I have diagnosed myself with being a highly sensitive person. The book, The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine N. Aron, Phd. was a great help to me. It made me realize that my physiology is quite different from many around me; I sense and feel everything with a great intensity so I easily feel overwhelmed by too many noises, people, sensations, and distractions. It physically and mentally affects the way I function. 

So of course the stress of being in a situation that already completely vexes those in a similar circumstance really did a number on me. We are in the process of relocating to a new city for his job, which is a difficult process in itself, but a hopeful one. I have taken what I call a “limbo” period to refocus my energy and to heal. A lot of my apartment is packed up in boxes, so I decided that I would focus on other creative pursuits than cosmetic formulating. 

This does not mean that I don’t have great plans for Pumpkin and Poppy Cosmetics, because I definitely do, it just means that I need to recharge my batteries. As an artist, I found that if one medium was frustrating me, I could switch to another way of approaching my idea and find my enthusiasm restored. I also think its important, for my own process, that I find joy and fun in whatever I’m working on. When I’m in a good place mentally, physically, and creatively, I create my best ideas and material. 

I have actually been motivated to start a project that has long been on the backburner, my book! I don’t have a title yet, but the focus is going to be a vegan starter kit type of book. I’m going to have essays on my own vegan philosophy, “cheapskater” tips on how to save money, nutritional information, DIY beauty recipes, and of course tons of recipes that I’m testing out and creating in my own kitchen. The main theme of the book is that Veganism is attainable, fun, and well worth the effort. I already have quite a bit of it written, and I’m very excited about how it is evolving. I’m going to be doing everything for it: editing, photography, writing, recipe creation/testing, and doing original artwork for the book, so it is taking up a decent portion of my time. It will take at least a year to finish and I don’t want to burn myself out, but I really hope you all enjoy it. 

I really appreciate all of your support and patience over the years. I know many of you relate to and understand my issues with anxiety and how it affects my ability to achieve everything I set out to do. I’m realizing that I’m not in a race and that if I don’t take care of myself, I will have nothing to give anyone else. Its hard for me to accept because my whole life was focused on academia and being the best at everything. I’d rather just be the best at things that are important to me and the rest will fall into place. As always, helping animals is always at the core of whatever I’m doing. As long as that focus is always in place, it doesn’t matter if I decide to draw, paint, sing, write, or create cosmetics. I’m still helping, even if I touch just one person and they decide to explore Veganism in their own life.